22 Things You Never Thought You'd Say as a Mom (and 6 extras for all the #boymoms!)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh motherhood. No one can prepare you for all of the wonderful joys and surprises. And by surprises, I mean, hugging your crying, naked toddler on the toilet while she experiences -- let’s call it, gastrointestinal distress -- for the first time.

In our I Am Mother of the Year Facebook group, one mama recently started a little game called “Things You Thought You’d Never Say as a Parent…” and started us off with a doozy (see #1 below):

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We’re probably not ready for this, but let the games begin!

1.  Bethany: “Please go refill the dog’s water dish because your sister just picked it up and drank the last of it!”

2.  Trish: “Stop pooping on people. It’s rude!”

3.  Jessica: “Don’t measure your baby brother’s face with your pancake!”

4.  Sarah: “Please don’t lick the trash can!”

5.  Megan: “No, you can’t have my phone to take a picture of me going potty!”

6.  Gina: “You are not a beaver. Quit chewing the furniture!”

7.  Emily: “You can pick your nose, just don’t eat it!”

8.  Kyle: “Please don’t lick the bottom of your shoes!”

9.  Jacki: “Why is your toothbrush in the toilet AGAIN!?”

10.  Amy: “Please stop licking the toilet bowl.”

11.  Katie: “Stop putting your bologna on my knee.”

12.  Leigh Ann: “Please don’t put crackers in your butt.”

13.  Andi: “Stop putting your feet in your brother’s mouth.”

14.  Amy: “Stop licking your armpit to see if it’s clean.”

15.  Andrea: “Poop isn’t finger paint.”

16.  Amber: “Why is the bread in the dryer?”

17.  Bean: “Please stop picking up your laundry with a machete.”

18.  Erika: “Put the dog poop down!”

19.  Jacque: “We don’t hammer people.”

20.  Dusanka: “Stop licking my nose.”

21.  Heather: “Stop licking the dog.”

22. Jacki: “If you lick your brother’s hair again you are going in the corner.”

And then there’s all the boy mom ones that have me ALL THE WAY WORRIED about Cal (16 months old) growing up! Ha! I don’t think I’m ready to add the word “penis” into our regular conversations!

Boy moms say WHAT?!:

1.  Diedra: “Don’t put your penis on that!”

2.  Christy (to her triplet boys): “Just because I bought you a cup does not mean that you can hit each other in the nuts.”

3.  Emily: “Your penis is not a gun. Please stop trying to shoot your brother with it.”

4.  Naomi: “Please stop playing peek-a-boo with your penis at the breakfast table.”

5.  Katie: “Why are you praying to your penis?”

6.  Jacque: “Don’t tickle your penis with the wall.”

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So there ya have it. All the things we never thought we’d say as parents (or even as humans) that we are so used to just flowing out of our mouths. And because I feel like I can’t write a blog without some kind of takeaway, here it is:

  • We’re all nuts. Seriously. Every one of us has some kind of chaos going on.

  • You are not alone. Whether what comes out of your mouth is funny, ridiculous, horrifying or downright depressing, I guarantee you are not the only one feeling the way that you’re feeling.

  • Mama, you are a rock star. You are doing a great job. So in case no one else tells you today, you heard it here: You are a really good mom.

So what about you? What crazy things have you said to your kids lately?

P.S. Today’s short post brought to you by the fact that I’m working hard on writing and finalizing one of the talks that I’ll start giving to MOPS/Mom’s groups in the coming weeks. If you’re in need of a speaker for an event, pick me! Pick me! I’ve got references!