3 Ways to Not Be a Lonely Mama

Gahhhh, motherhood can be so lonely! Yes, even with tiny humans beckoning us from every corner of the house. Maybe especially with tiny humans beckoning us. Meeting the needs of said humans is completely exhausting, so when the doorbell rings or a friend asks for a play date, sometimes it is way easier to ignore the request because *sigh*…we’re pooped! We are!


When we’re adulting (and mothering), community can be next to impossible to gather and maintain, but it is so worth fighting for! IT IS!!! That’s one of the reasons that the I Am Mother of the Year Facebook group exists…to connect moms who may feel all alone in their circumstances. Of course, an online community doesn’t even come close to the benefits of a face-to-face encounter, but it is a start. And it’s where Mother of the Year Sarah recently came to share her struggle of loneliness.

Sarah shared, “Due to a busy calendar, and a few other unusual circumstances, I’ve not been able to connect with friends much in this last season. Feeling lonely, and literally disconnected. Why is community so hard to foster? Please tell me I am not the only one who hits ruts like this. Any suggestions on how to weather this?”

Of course, lots of moms jumped in to share their “me too” moments of feeling all alone in this motherhood game.

Sara said: I’m right there with you. I try to get out sometimes but it really exhausts me.

Jessica said: I feel this so hard! Every time I feel like I’m getting close to achieving a deeper friendship, something happens and I drift away instead.

Sharlyn said: Yes, I know this feeling all too well. We were not created to do this without community!

And she’s right! We weren’t meant to do this alone! We need each other! A whole entire village. And of course, like Sarah said, there will be seasons that ebb and flow where our capacity for relationships can grow and diminish, but how can we create or find a village and then how can we maintain it no matter the season?

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How can you find and create community?

Go where the people are: There are lots of communities that gather regularly, so sometimes it is about finding the right one. For you, it could be just to take that first step into a church service on a Sunday morning. Or you could find a moms group in your area for some encouraging, kid-free time. Or if you’re convinced that there is no group that you belong in, you could always start your own. Even a monthly dinner on the books can create a whole new perspective.

Share your mess: Ok, you can’t just show up and expect community to magically appear. Sure, some sweet, painfully extroverted mama might sidle right up next to you and make small talk, but the real, lasting community comes with your commitment to be vulnerable. If you come into a situation and put on your game-face, then maybe don’t bother. Try approaching a new person assuming that she feels the same way you do – a little lonely, kind of crazy, and doing the best that she can. And then keep showing up. Commit to loving long.

Be available: Last week I shared the incredible story of a foster mom who said YES. It’s a must-read because this mama is the bomb.com! But the lesson for us all was that loving people well means opening ourselves up to interruption in our lives. Our greatest adventures are sometimes the unplanned, messy moments in our day that come from truly living. So, put the schedule down, back away slowly, and take a little look around your world for an opportunity to be someone’s day-maker!

You guys, please don’t mother alone! I know that sometimes it seems impossible in our schedules, zero in our energy capacity, and no-way-Jose in our fear of rejection, but it must be a priority! You are a better mom when you get to talk to and invest in other people who also know how to spell their names, only need one drink of water before bed, and can use the bathroom unassisted!

If you’re still not sure where to start, please please pretty please email me!  

And if you haven’t joined my email list yet, I mean, WHY NOT?! Click here!

Lisa GraftComment